The Best of 2016

It’s easy to forget everything that can happen in one year. Everyone can probably remember 3-4 monumental events like weddings, births, holidays, etc but sometimes the best memories can be the little things.  I COULD say that this was THE WORST year ever because Clay deployed but that would be a lie. It has been one amazing year full of so many blessings.

Every year we will face trials and challenges, but if we don’t embrace the bad then we will never learn how to appreciate the good. After all, those challenges that we endure make us better people in the end and we come out stronger than ever before… if you choose to. Ultimately, the decision is yours but I choose to embrace the GOOD, for God is good ALL THE TIME! I challenge you to look back on your year and focus on all of the blessings you have. Make new goals for 2017 and chase them hard! No dream is too big.

2017 will bring many more births, weddings and best of all, it will bring my husband home! Until then I will enjoy the next 6 months and focus on making great memories with my babies and chasing my own dreams!

Here is a look back on some of the greatest moments of 2016. Lily’s birth was by far the best day of the year!

Went to a Wine and Painting class with friends! We need to do more of these in 2017
We announced that we were bringing a new addition to our family.
One of my best friends from college came to the gender reveal to surprise me, all the way from South Carolina. It was the first time anyone has ever pulled off a surprise and made me cry.
I went to a military ball with my HANDSOME husband!
We started building our new house!
We attended a life long friends wedding in Texas.
We met Kacy Cantanzaro, and Clay kicked butt at the Warrior Course at Ft. Sill.
We went to our brother Connor’s graduation!
We had a baby shower for Lily!
We went to the lake with my family.
Loved spending quality time with this guy.
Luke enjoyed driving the boat with Grandpa
Lots of fishing dates with my husband
My army friends surprised me with a baby shower! They were so sweet!
We celebrated our second anniversary and Luna’s 2nd Birthday! She was born the day we got married so we always said she was meant to be.
I have enjoyed watching Luke grow up and getting to play with him and watch him learn. He amazes me everyday!
We celebrated Luke’s 1st Birthday. I don’t know how that year went by so quickly…
Moved into our new house and enjoyed many BBQs with our friends.
I LOVED being pregnant with my sister wife, Nikki. Words can’t describe how blessed I am to have her in my life!
My family came up to prepare for Lily’s birth and we went hiking one last time.
Dr. Patel has become a great family friend. He delivered both of our babies and we appreciate all he’s done to keep myself and the kids alive and healthy!
Our first picture with Lily on her birthday.
Reid and Sarah came to visit Lily after she was born.
We found our church home and made it official!
My Uncle holding Lily.
My Aunt, Uncle and cousins came up to visit us from Texas after Lily was born.
One of Clay’s great friends from West Point came to visit from Colorado. We always enjoy his company.
I started my business with Rodan and Fields and became successful faster than I could have ever dreamed of.
We took one last trip home with Clay for the year. I found out my friend Avery was pregnant and it’s a girl!
We had one last family dinner with Clay.
Clay and I got to have one last DATE NIGHT at the North GA State Fair.
We had a photo shoot with both of our babies! Shout out to Holly Long Photography!
The morning of Nikki’s induction.
Waiting for the go for AJ to meet her in the operating room
AJ and Nikkis beautiful baby Caleb. We love him SO much!
The worst day of the year but the best friends to be with during such a terrible time.
Our last moments with Clay before he deployed.
Nikki and I went with some of the other Army wives to the pumpkin patch!
I met this amazing woman, check out COOL CAKES BY LINDSAY! She’s so talented and a great friend!
Exercised our right to vote!
Conquered my fears and got on a “roller coaster” with my Dad…. It may or may not have had breaks to slow down..
Our family trip to Pigeon Forge two weeks before it burned down. We were so thankful we went when we did.
Our annual Thanksgiving Dinner with both families
We spent a 2nd Thanksgiving in Ohio visiting with our Grandma and Cousins! Again, something we NEED to do more often!
Avery’s baby shower!
I found out my big sister is pregnant! We can’t wait to meet her baby boy!
We said yes to the bridesmaids dresses! My SIL is getting married next year
Tree lighting with my favorite little boy in the whole world!
Sibling pictures are something we need more of.
Lily made a great addition to the Santa picture this year
We ended the year strong and celebrated the marriage of one of our close friends
Our last family photo of the year. I think we all looked perfect!
We got our New Year’s kiss in… even if it was over FaceTime. Thank God for technology! Cheers to 2017! The year we get to be together again!

Watching him walk away..

As an Army wife, you learn to cast feelings aside and you find strength in places you could have never imagined. With that comes the harboring of emotions so it is good to “let it out” every once in a while. This post will help me re-live some of those bitter-sweet moments surrounding Deployment Day.

The day Clay left, I felt like my world had fallen apart. Clay is the BEST teammate. We work so well together. Our friendship, business relationship, spiritual relationship and intimate relationship has always been so easy. Where one of us is weak, the other is strong and we have always been able to pick up the pieces for each other to make this perfect puzzle. We have our flaws, don’t get me wrong. Marriage takes hard work and patience. Generally though, life seems effortless as long as we are walking through it together.

Clay’s favorite hobby is fishing so the day before he left we decided to go fishing as a family. We’ve been fishing many times together but that day has been one of my favorites, along the fishing date where he asked me to be his girlfriend. The weather was perfect. We sat and watched Luke run up and down the dock with the sunset behind him. Clay taught him how to feed the fish with an old bagel that he brought. He loved throwing the bread into the water and occasionally he would tear off a piece to try and share with his 2 month old sister. When the sun went down and we had to leave I knew that was a picture I wouldn’t get to see again for a while so I soaked in every second of Clay kissing our baby girl on the forehead and watching Luke ride on his shoulders all the way back to the truck. The drive home was quiet. The babies fell asleep and neither of us really knew what to say to each other. I think we just wanted to be still, in the silence of it all. We knew what was coming but we just wanted to be, together.

We got home and watched a couple episodes of House of Cards to finish out the last season. At night our favorite thing to do is either lay in the hammock together on the back porch in the breeze as the beautiful Oklahoma sun sets over our fence OR we lay on opposite ends of the couch and give each other foot rubs as we watch TV. We chose the second that night so that he could hold our babies and put them to sleep one last time. Luke lives for his daddy so every second of cuddle time means the world to him. It hurt my heart watching him lay Luke down that night to pray with him. Our routine is very special to us so I know held tight to that memory too.

By this time it was 11 PM and Clay had to wake up at 2 AM so we decided to just pull an all nighter. We took a bath then stayed up and talked all night. We had a genuine and complex conversation and it was nice to get to know each other on that level again. We become so absorbed by day to day life that its easy to just get lost in it all. I wish we took the time to talk like that with each other more often. We both ended up falling asleep for a short time but I remember just fixing my eyes on his face, examining every feature while running my fingers through his hair. Kind of like when you hold your children and gaze at them while they’re sleeping. When you love someone that much, you love and appreciate every part of them. I wondered, will I forget what he feels like? The warmth of his skin. Holding his hand and feeling an odd sense of protection because it swallows mine. His giant bear hugs that make me melt. His kisses, the ones that make the world disappear. I didn’t want to. I promised myself I wouldn’t forget so I soaked it all in. Every bit of him.

2 AM came too soon. Our son was so angry when we put him in the car. Clay just stood there and held him for the longest time. Lily was fast asleep in her seat. The ride was silent again. The entire 20 minute drive to post I just held his hand tighter and tighter and cried harder and harder the closer we got to base. All the guys were in the parking lot hugging their families and spending their last 30 minutes together. Lots of hugs and kisses, and holding the babies. The final call came for them to shut the gates and Clay had to leave. I just wanted one more kiss and one more hug… but I didn’t want it to be the last so I kept begging for more. Finally he let go of my hand and watching him walk away made my heart fall to pieces. I looked across the parking lot and saw my best friend Nikki standing there with her 6 day old baby and thinking it wasn’t fair. All of the special moments in those first weeks, in the first year they couldn’t experience together. Same with us and our two month old. Nikki’s mom came over hugged me tight as I cried in her arms. It was nice to have her there since my mom couldn’t be.

One thing I knew for sure as I got back in the truck was how lucky I was to have a great group of women to call my friends. We were going to get through this together. Nikki’s mom spent the night at our house that night just so I didn’t have be alone and Nikki had her mother-in-law to stay with her. Words can’t express how that one act of kindness made me feel. As Day Zero went on I felt more at peace than I thought I would. I went to bed feeling broken and woke up with a sense of hope and motivation. I knew we had so many people praying for us and the power of prayer is a beautiful thing. God’s love is so strong and so abundant. He can carry any burden and he did for me.

I have this rule where I try to give myself a timeline to be upset. I tell myself, ” You have one week Brooke. One week to be as sad, depressed, angry and upset as you want but after that it’s time to suck it up, dust it off and move on.” If I don’t, then I let sadness consume me which causes anxiety and depression. That’s a place I never want to go back to because it’s easy to spiral into and hard to get out of.

That evening my OB, who lives in the same town, messaged me and said, “Crossfit tonight?” I didn’t plan on it but i thought, forget it, I’m going. He knew I liked crossfit and remembered me. Here it was, someone forcing me to be strong that I would have never expected to. I appreciate that motivating text. It had been 10 weeks since I had Lily and I just had my second c-section in a year so I was nervous about going back but I decided to JUST DO IT.  I walked in and I felt lonely, but encouraged. I knew that this was how I would literally gain my strength over the next 9 months. The last part of our workout was a run but I decided to row instead. I put my headphones in and rowed harder and harder… and harder…and HARDER until the tears just started flowing down my face again. My coach was so scared that I had hurt myself but it was like every bit of emotional pain I was feeling just left my body. It felt so good. Unfortunately, some turn to alcohol or drugs to fix their pain but I have chosen to turn to God and working out to rid myself of the stress I carry.

That evening was hard because Luke walked to the garage door like he does every night and said,” Dada? Dada?…” He just kept hitting the door, looking at me and pointing at it, saying his name over and over. He did this every night for two weeks until we came to GA where there is no door he is used to seeing him walk through. He is only one so he doesn’t understand where he is or why he’s gone, just that he’s missing his best friend. So I just tell him he’s not alone because I miss my best friend too.

As soon as I found out Clay had landed and he was safe, and I felt much better. I wrote down my favorite quote and taped it to my mirror the next morning so I could see it daily. People say they don’t understand how I can do it. How can I get through this time with two babies, alone? Well, many women have to. We find strength in places we could never imagine. Through Christ who gives me strength, all things are possible. He never leaves me, he never forsakes me. God is good ALL THE TIME. He has a plan and a purpose far bigger and more important than I could ever imagine or understand. I know he has a brighter future for our family, we just have to climb one more mountain to get there.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

“We either make ourselves miserable or we can make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.”- Unknown

Here’s the link to the Vlog from that dayimg_0515