Function Of Beauty Review 

I’m all about trying new products, supporting friends and finding the best stuff on the market but if I don’t like something I’m not buying it and I’m not reviewing it.

I’ve come to you today to let you know that I really think I’ve found my lifetime haircare brand!  I’m going to give you the low down on this awesome new company. This isn’t going to be short. I’m putting as much thought as I can behind the details you would need/ want to know before trying this stuff out yourself. 

Admittedly, this was an impulsive buy. I liked the rainbow colored posts and thought it looked pretty so I clicked the link to see what it was about. (Great job marketing department) I quickly found out this was personalized haircare. WHAT?! 

Like there are 12 billion different combinations! Two MIT engineers created an algorithm to figure out a formulation that is unique to every individual. Therefore, your experience with these products is going to be different than mine because your hair is different than mine! I thought this was the coolest thing, so I took the test. 

First, it asked me about my hair goals. There were so many options to choose from but as you can see the mint colored boxes are the ones I picked. These goals can be changed with every purchase. I picked deep condition because my hair is so dang dry. Color protection since I’m a fake blonde. 💁🏼 Anti- Frizz so maybe I will look less like a lion when it dries out. Shine because my hair is dull due to it being so dry. Lastly, I picked Soothe Scalp because I’ve always had an issue with dandruff. Even medicated shampoo from the dermatologist hasn’t helped. I hate it. Next, it asked me more about my hair type. I have wavy, coarse, and very dry hair. It’s long and thick. It’s a pain in the butt to handle. My hair stylist can vouch for me, it literally takes like 20 minutes to comb out alone because it turns into a curly, knotty mess. I haven’t been able to keep enough coconut oil, Moroccan oil, or biosilk in my hair to keep it from drying out. It soaks it up like a sponge and gets dry again a few hours later which is why I can only wash my hair 1-2 times a week. I was then able to choose the color of my shampoo and conditioner. I was always told cool tones were good for blonde hair especially since I personally hate having brassy tints to my hair. I got to choose the scent; I picked the recommended scent which is a blend of sweet and minty. I wanted medium strength because I like my hair to smell like I washed it after I wash it but I also don’t want the whole room to know I washed my hair so I thought medium would be just right. 

This is what my box looked like when I received it. The bottle said ” Function of Brooke” which was pretty neat. It came with two pumps and a pamphlet that explained every essential oil that was used in the products in conjunction with the hair goals that I chose. At this point, I realized it was all natural! How cool?! I was so excited to try it the first night. 

When I used the shampoo, the first thing I noticed was how concentrated it was. Since it is concentrated you don’t need to use as much product so I strategically placed it evenly throughout my scalp. It did not lather like your normal shampoo from the store would. According to everything I’ve read, it’s not normal for shampoo to lather into an 8 inch mountain of bubbles on your head.  🤷🏼‍♀️ This was new to me but I have since gotten used to it. I’ve actually found that if I rinse and repeat the shampoo, it lathers a little bit the second time although that is not necessary. My hair just felt dirty that particular day after lacrosse practice, crossfit and the pool. 

My essential oils blend smells VERY minty in the shower and the mint infused with the steam helps to open up my lungs. It feels tingly and relieving on my scalp and it honestly feels like I’m in a steam room at the spa everytime I wash my hair. If you’re sensitive to strong mint, I would say try another scent or pick “light” for fragrance strength. I personally enjoy it but I could see how it may overwhelm some. 

After rinsing, my hair doesn’t feel slimy like store bought shampoo. It truly feels like all the dirt and grime has been stripped from my hair and scalp. When I run my fingers through my hair it is, no joke, “squeaky” clean. 

The conditioner is very thick also BUT it also doesn’t feel slimy and greasy when you put it on your hair. I always use more conditioner than shampoo so I intentionally got the bigger bottle of conditioner. I did still feel like I needed to use more conditioner than shampoo. The first time I used it, I probably put 3x the amount necessary just because it didn’t FEEL like most conditioners so I didn’t think it was actually conditioning my hair and I kept adding more. Now I use a normal amount of conditioner and it still conditions wonderfully. After rinsing, it does feel soft but again not super slippery like normal conditioner. I was kind of disappointed after my first shower because I really didn’t think it was conditioned enough to comb through and I feared it was going to take 40 minutes to comb out instead of 20. 

I towel dried and got to work. I was pleasantly surprised with how easy it was to brush my hair! I timed it.. 8 minutes y’all! Still sounds ridiculous BUT if you felt my hair you’d understand why. Definitely shinier than normal. No products in my hair in either picture. This is the result of air drying in a braid. Sorry for the terrible quality picture below but I wanted you all to see how long my hair is so you can get an idea. 

I let my hair air dry like usual and the next morning it was SOOOOO soft and shiny!! My hair usually gets frizzy and knotty after it airs dries over night but it wasn’t frizzy at all. I actually don’t even put any leave in products in my hair now and I don’t really have to style it. I just braid it, let it air dry and it’s naturally wavy but not frizzy. 

When my hair dries, the minty smell goes away and it’s left with a sweet scent. It’s very subtle and just smells clean. 

I now wash my hair 3 times a week because it feels oily after like 3-4 days compared to before which would take like 10 days to feel even the slightest bit of oil. It used to be THAT dry. Whatever they are using for deep conditioning really works. I don’t want you to think this product makes your hair oily because that’s not what I’m saying. I now feel like my scalp produces oil like it’s supposed to. I think I’m back on track with the average person as far as how often I should be washing my hair. 

My impulsive purchase has turned out to be one of my favorite must have products. I’m a believer. If anyone has any questions about the products please comment below and I will do my best to answer them honestly. 

You can start your quiz and purchase your products here with this 5$ off referral link. Remember you get 5$ off your first order. They give you up to 5 referrals every time so that’s up to 25$ off your following order. 

***This is an independent review. This is not a direct sales company. I am not a consultant. I am not being paid or receiving free products in return for my opinion. I, along with everyone else who signs up, get a link to share with people that will give you $5 off your first order and in return it gives me a 5$ credit for refering you. You will not find a deeper discount. Everyone only has a 5$ off referral code. 


My Skin Story

It’s awesome to see how Rodan and Fields is changing lives!! This skincare line is the real deal y’all.

The problem with two…


I’m sitting on the plane going back to Oklahoma and it’s just me and my daughter. She’s now 8 months old. 

My happy baby fell asleep within minutes of take-off while I’m over here shaking like a leaf on a tree. I’m trying to stay calm. I look at her fast asleep and realize how ridiculous I’m being. If she’s calm then why can’t my heart and mind be still?

I stared at her longer and started to wonder where the days had gone since she was born. 

Why can’t I remember more of her hair when it was shorter and darker? Her fingers and toes being much smaller than they are now? Her laughing more? 

Because my attention has been divided. It’s not something that I think I should feel guilty for. It’s natural when you have multiple children and our attention is drawn away from the other child as well but this was the main thing I worried about when I found out I was pregnant with her. 

I felt the same way with Luke but for different reasons. I was pregnant with Lily and sick all the time. I was working full time into part time and my friends were gracious enough to take care of him while I worked. We were in the middle of building a new house. All of those things distracted me from my little Luke. Now he’s almost two and starting to test us more than ever before. (I know that gets worse as they get older)

He’s also getting so big, so fast and his brain is like a sponge. His vocabulary is increasing by the day. His problem solving skills, in my opinion, are pretty exceptional for a child his age. (He locked the whole family out of the house the other day.) 

I wrote a few months ago about being content with my life. Especially during this “rainy” season where Clay is away. I try my best not to show the hurt because I really don’t want anyone to feel sorry for me. I just want them to understand that I’m going to have good days and bad days. I’m going to have bad WEEKS. I’m not perfect. 

I am finding joy in being with my family and friends. I’m coaching again which is hands down by biggest passion outside of God and my home (husband and children). I can do all of this without any financial pressure because all of that is relieved with this new business. I am blessed and I am content but I’m also still very distracted. 

I think I’m remembering more with Lily than I did with Luke but sometimes I feel like it’s still not enough. I’m still not giving her my best. 

As much as I fear flying, I do love that it gives me a chance to disconnect and just sort through my thoughts and feelings. I spend most of the flight in prayer and then I spend the rest in reflection, starring out the window, in awe of everything God has created and kind of sickened that so much of that beauty has been destroyed by mankind. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time just to see the lands we currently live on before they were tainted by humanity. Does anyone else think that when they look out the window and see the ground below? Seriously my favorite part of my flight to Korea was going over the untouched parts of Alaska. It was breathtaking. 

I know all of that sounds a little off topic but it marries well with the reasoning I’m going back home for a few days. 

One of our favorite things about Oklahoma, which I hated at first, is how rural it is. There’s not much to do so instead of moving to a more populated area we did the opposite and built a house out in the country far away from everything. 

I love that we go to a church where we see the same people every week. 

I love that it’s a safe community. 

I love that I have cows in my backyard. 

I love that there’s lots of road with so little traffic that we can safely go on walks. 

I love that my closest friends are nearby.

I love that I can lay on my hammock on the back porch and watch the sunrise and sunset with the constant, peaceful breeze rushing through my ears loud enough to block out my all of my thoughts. 

I love watching the thunderstorms roll in from miles and miles away. The lightening always paints a beautiful yet terrifying picture in the sky. 

I love that I now have a really big yard that gives me lots of space to plant flowers and have a garden. And THIS is why I’m visiting home for a few days. 

We need to finish seeding the yard. I need to lay down mulch, plants bulbs, build some structures for the garden area, plant the garden, etc. I will also mention it’s my best friends’ birthday and I wouldn’t miss that for the world. 

Yes, I probably could get this all done in May when I go home but nothing will grow in time to produce any fruit, and our rainy season comes and goes very quickly. Once the summer hits, it gets very hot and dry so I would love to work with nature rather than against it. 

While these 5 days will also be very busy, I plan on taking this time alone with Lily to connect with her more and focus on teaching her things I haven’t been as consistent in teaching her. 

As I’m sitting here, brushing the hair out of her face while she sleeps, I can’t help but get emotional. There’s so much love in my heart for her.

 Its true what they say, you know? When you have more children, the love you have to give is not divided, it just grows exponentially with every child.

Like my love for my husband, it only grows stronger with time.

Just when I think I can’t fathom the concept of how big my heart can get, moments like this prove me wrong. Both of my babies are so different and I have realized that my love for them is the same but my relationship with them is different, and thats okay.

I am looking forward to using this alone time with Lily to get to know her on another level and continue to develop that special bond that I only have with her. 

So what’s the hardest part about having two? 


It goes by too quickly, and there’s not enough of it. 

What brings me peace is knowing that although my time may be divided between both babies, my love for them will never be. 


Gatlinburg Trip 2016

This trip started out as a surprise for Blair. Our family lied to her and told her it was just going to be a trip with our family to Tennessee like the old days. We used to go every year in the fall and we would meet up with our family from Ohio for the weekend. We have not been able to do this for years. My husband is deployed, Nathan told Blair he was going on a hunting trip with his dad and my brother was single so it really was a perfect excuse to vacation with just our family again. Blair didn’t know that Nathan had already made plans for his family to stay up there that weekend as well so everyone could be there when he asked.

Of course, Blair started guessing and suspecting things, ruining it like most girls do when they think about how and when they will be asked the “Big Question.” Plans changed and Nathan decided to do it the Sunday before after church. That story is a whole different post.

Since we all had planned to stay in TN that weekend anyway, we decided to make a celebration trip out of it. My mom rented this huge van, actually it was kind of embarrassing. haha. We thought SURELY we would have enough room but it still ended up being cramped on the way up there. It was only a 4-5 hour drive so it wasn’t too terrible.

We arrived at our cabin really late. Apparently there were two streets with the same name up there so we drove around these mountain roads, I should say CLIFFS, for like legit 30 minutes. We had no service so we couldn’t use our GPS. It took us forever to turn around because we have this HUGE van and the roads are the size of a bike path up there. We finally made it back to the main road and to the correct street. Our cabin was beautiful. It was two stories, slept at least 15-20 people. The large glass windows backed right up to the best mountain view I have ever seen. I decided to stay upstairs with the kids and Blair. Mom and Dad and Blake had their own rooms.

The next day we went site seeing. Drove around the mountains for a while. Then we decided to go to the outlets. It took an hour to get down the main street because traffic was so bad. Apparently there was this huge convention going on that weekend. I bought a new pair of jeans, and some cute NIKE tennis shoes for Luke. After that we met up with Nathan’s family for dinner in Gatlinburg. We chose to eat at Dick’s. It’s a restaurant where they are mean to you on purpose. The food was okay but I definitely recommend everyone go there at least once for the experience.

After dinner we walked around town and looked in all of the little shops and candy stores. I think Morgan (Nathan’s sister) and I went wine tasting at like 3 different places. Blackberry and Strawberry didn’t disappoint. We walked past the Ripley’s museum and there is this big marble stone out front that floats on a thin layer of water. That thing is still spinning and I remember that was always my favorite thing to touch every year. Luke thought it was cool too. It was just neat to think of all the times that I had touched that rock and now my son, 16 years later, got to see it and touch it too.

We found this mountain rail ride my sister really wanted us to go on. She said I would like it because it had breaks. I HATE roller coasters. I don’t like the feeling you get in your stomach and I don’t like that I can’t stop it when I feel uncomfortable. Some people live for that stuff but I’m boring and I just can’t do it. BITE ME. Anyways my sister swore I would like this one because I could control it. Well my dad and I decided to double up because it was cheaper and he had to ride in the back where the breaks were because he is bigger than me. We fought over who got the back seat for like 5 minutes, I was being kind of ridiculous. HE won. He promised he would stop if I didn’t like it and he did. We only braked a few times but it was fun! I would definitely go back and do it again!

We finished the night by walking through a few of the old candy stores; I always loved watching them make the candy. I bought a caramel apple for my mom and we headed back to the cabins.

The last morning we woke up and had a big breakfast. Blair and I took some pictures after packing up our things and loading the car. After we left the cabin we were on a mission to find “THE WILD WOODY.” The legendary go-kart track of our childhood dreams!

When we got there, we all bought our tickets for one ride and hopped in our cars. I was last to get out of that long line. As I was ascending around the tracks with the wind on my face and car engines drowning out everything else, I was taken back to a time in my life of pure joy. The brief few months I raced real go-karts in HS, came alive and my competitive spirit got the best of me. I was determined to beat my siblings. I lapped Blake, then Blair and Nathan along with everyone else on the track and ended up finishing first.

One would say,” Ah, Who cares? It’s just go-karts…” BUT IT’S NOT. Winning that race meant EVERYTHING!

JK, it did feel pretty good though….And I was a little bit of a sore winner.

After the race we figured there had to be a fun place where little kids could ride some rides. We found a little park and pulled off to let Luke have a little fun.

He really enjoyed the Merry-Go-Round with me.

Then it came time to ride the cars, the ones that bounces up and down in the air and spin in circles. Again, I hate rides like that so I backed out and Aunt Blair took one for the team. Turns out Luke has my likeness for crazy rides and immediately clung to Blair and screamed. He was so scared. It was kind of funny but I also felt bad because I knew exactly how the poor kid felt. You’d think he would have jumped straight out of that car when the ride stopped but he was upset he couldn’t sit there and drive it. He was cute.

I wish my husband could have been there to share those memories with but soon enough we will make memories again as a family. I’m just glad I got to re-live my childhood and spend time with my Mom and Dad and my siblings. It’s not often that it’s just “us” anymore. We all had a great time and it was a very relaxing weekend. I hope we can travel together again soon!

View our Vlog from the trip HERE

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I’m Okay With Not Being Equal

I’m okay with not being equal to my husband. He is a MAN and I am a WOMAN. We were not designed by our creator to be equal. We have specific roles. When you break it down and expose the bigger picture, you realize that we are all on this Earth to serve the ones next to us.

A Doctor serves by taking care of his patients.

A Teacher serves by helping others learn.

A Custodian serves by keeping our schools clean.

A Park Ranger serves by protecting wildlife and nature.

A Soldier serves by giving their life to protect our freedoms.

A Barber serves by helping you have a good hair day or days…

A Real Estate Agent serves by helping you find a perfect house.

A Stay at Home Mom serves by raising her children and hopefully turning them into decent human beings that will someday be released into society to serve others in the manner they choose.

Humans serve in many different fashions and every single job serves somebody, someway somehow. We have learned to live symbiotically ( yes, men and women are entirely different species) together in this world because of this.

Now I can tell you from personal experience that I have never been held back by society. I have never been told I can not serve in the ways in which I have wanted to serve. I have been a babysitter, a lifeguard, a gas station clerk, a student, a college athlete, a coach, a dental assistant, a CEO, a wife and a mom. NOBODY told me I had to do those things. Nobody gave me those positions. I’ve held every one of these job titles because I have wanted to AND… most importantly because I EARNED IT. I worked hard for it.

I do not want any position in life because I am a woman and that company is just trying to fill in the gaps so statistically they look good on paper for not discriminating. I want my boss to look me in the eye, shake my hand, and say “Congrats on the new position” because I am truly in his or her eyes the most qualified for that job.

Guess what? Women will not always be the most qualified. There will be men that deserve those positions more than me. I honestly do not even know why women are marching. Especially women in America.

Because Trump said something disgusting? There are women that sit around at wine nights, or in the locker room at school, or at concerts or in a movie theatre (50 Shades) that say far more disgusting and crude things about men than Trump said about women. Neither are okay, but quit acting like this is new. “Locker Room Talk” is a two way street. The only difference is when a guy hears it, it boosts his ego. He does not complain. Most of the time guys are flattered. When a woman hears it, it is sexual assault or sexual harassment and that man deserves to sit in jail for years to rot and die for one dirty thought. Everyone has done it, whether you’re a middle school kid with raging hormones or an adult with raging hormones.

Hypocrisy at its finest but biblically it’s a sin, regardless of who does it and we each have to answer for that one day.

Are we marching for Roe vs. Wade?

That’s a whole different argument and the sad reality is that it will never be over turned. Again, those individuals will answer to God for their decisions one day.

Including MYSELF! We have ALL fallen short of the glory of God. We are ALL sinners.

I felt compelled to write today mainly to say, biblically, God’s job for me is different than the job he gave my husband and I am 100% okay with that. I am okay with not being equal. God designed me as a woman to make babies and love my husband. I think I’ve done a good job in that roll so far. What’s wrong with that? No where in the bible does it say I can’t learn or better myself professionally or do what I want to do.

I am proud to be a  woman and I am glad that I was designed to be different. I am emotionally strong. I know that because, among other life changing events, I’m now on month 4 of 9 in this deployment and I haven’t jumped off a bridge. I may or may not have thought about it once when I had 2 hours of sleep for a week straight, crying babies, tantrums and family drama but that is besides the point.

I’m physically strong. I can dead lift 235 which is way more than most MEN. I can run faster than most men. I am a better athlete than most men. I can shoot a gun better than most men.

I as a WOMAN can do a lot of things better than most men because of the way GOD designed me to be different:

I can love better than most men. I am more empathetic than most men. I can multi-task better than most men. I can handle a cold better than most men. I am more sensual than most men. I am cleaner than most men. I can handle pain better than most men (2 c-sections later… come at me BRO!). I can handle stress better than most men. I am more organized than most men.

AND I EMBRACE IT! I am proud of it.

I will add that my husband is a much better athlete than me, he is stronger than me, faster than me, he can shoot better than me, he is more level-headed than me, calmer than me, probably smarter than me in a lot of areas- he thinks more logically than I do, a better cook than me (not a better baker) but he makes the best steak dinner in the world! He is better at reading his bible than I am. He’s a better spiritual leader than me- he’s seriously overall a great leader. And that is OKAY. He makes me proud to be his wife. I want him to be better than me in most of those areas. These are some of the things that attracted me to him in the first place. Are there some couples where the roles are reversed. Sure! And that’s fine too. Whatever works for you.

My point is being a woman in AMERICA has not held THIS WOMAN back. I have been able to do anything and everything I have dreamed to do. I do not make excuses. As long as I worked for it, I achieved it. I do not feel limited. I do not feel belittled. I co-exist with my male humans peacefully and I love them for everything that they were designed to do better than me. If I am not qualified, fine. I work harder. I am not ENTITLED to anything. I do not fit the status quo for most women and there are men that do not fit the status quo for men. AND IT’S FINE!

Will there always be a sexist man? YES. They suck.

Will there be sexist women? Yeah, there thousands marching right now. They suck.

Will there be racist fools? YES. They suck.

Will there be rapists? Yes, they suck.

Will there be murders, thieves, liars, cheaters, abusers, adulterers, or any human of sinful nature? YES, AND THEY SUCK! We all suck!

Unfortunately, being a feminist does not mean what it used to mean. It’s all about man shaming. I’m all about equal pay but I’m not disgracing the opposite sex because it’s a movement. I respect the men around me and the men around me respect me. Our great- grandmas were the real feminists, they fought for the equality that we currently have!

This woman does not want to be thrown on a band wagon for a problem in this country that in my opinion DOES NOT exist. It has never existed for me. The only person holding you back in this life is YOU. Regardless of sex, race or whatever else that makes us different.

America is not sexist. You have rights ladies. Let’s march for the women in other countries that do not. Someone always has it worse than you. Reflect on that.

Yes, I Resent You Sometimes

Let’s get real. Really real. Let’s talk about resentment. And while I may talk about it in a form that applies to me, everyone feels resentment about someone or something in their life.

Resentment is defined as the foundation of hatred. It is comprised of fear, sadness, bitterness, anger, disgust and my favorite “the perception of injustice.”

That last one hits hard. The perception of injustice. Injustice is defined as something that is not fair.

Situations happen that we do not expect, think we should have to go through, or experience. Personally, I resent my husband for his job sometimes. Yes, that makes me selfish but I told you we are going to get real.

Some days I hate the military. I hate that I can’t be with my husband. I hate even more that we aren’t even being fairly compensated for this 9 month deployment and he’s not getting the benefits he deserves! We already sacrifice so much so why should we have to sacrifice finances too? I hate hearing other women complain about their husbands being on a 3 day business trip. I hate that I never get to be with my family. I hate that I miss out on weddings, birthdays and special events. I hate that this life makes me feel so lonely sometimes. I hate that every time I start to feel comfortable in a place, its all ripped away and I have to start from scratch. I hate that whenever I am applying for a job, I always have to start from the bottom of the pay scale. It doesn’t matter what my level of education is, I will never be taken seriously because I can’t work at a place for more than 3 years at a time. As soon as I am there long enough to earn bonuses and incentives, they all get taken away. Working is not even worth it when you are grossly underpaid. I hate that I feel bad for not working or contributing financially so I still find ways to work. Then I feel bad for only bringing home $142.53 a month after paying for childcare, gas and food. Then I feel bad for spending all that time away from my kids just for an extra $142.53. It’s never ending. I hate raising my babies without their dad. I hate feeling like I fail every single day no matter how hard I try. I could find 1001 reasons why I resent this life and so could very other military spouse.

The #1 reason we feel resentment towards our husbands is for the time spent apart and the overwhelming amount of JOBS we are left with the day they step on the plane. Things like: getting a Power of Attorney for like…. everything, paying all of the bills, canceling insurance on everything he owns since he won’t be using it, learning how to change air filters in the house, refilling the water softener, plumbing, electric, being a housekeeper 24/7 ( which my house is actually much cleaner when he’s gone), mowing the grass, doing all of the yard work, all of the chores, taking the babies to doctors appointments and unexpected hospital visits then turning around two days later and taking yourself to the hospital. Learning how to change a tire alone, jumping your car, returning a washer because its been recalled and it could explode in your house at any moment. You become the jack of all trades purely for survival and it’s stressful. Somewhere in all of that you are supposed to find time to do things for YOU? Like take a nice relaxing bubble bath with a glass of wine while reading your favorite book? No, that would be a dream…. In reality, I just want 5 minutes to go to the bathroom by myself without any interruptions OR just to be able to finish the sandwich I made for lunch, and also a few chips…and maybe some of the pomegranates rotting in the corner because I haven’t had time to peel those either.

A 9 month deployment is a lot to handle alone with two babies. I do have days where I feel angry, bitter and sad…. mostly when both of them are crying. One needs to be changed, the other needs to be fed, as soon as that one eats the other is hungry and then the one that just ate pees their pants. Then while you’re changing that baby, you find that the other dunked the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet water and you toss baby #1 in the middle of the bed as you try to dive into the bathroom in time to swat the roll out of your son’s hands before it goes into his mouth. While you’re washing his hands you realize baby #1 is still on the bed with no clean diaper because you didn’t get to finish wrapping her up and walk in to find she has pooped all over her clothes.

THIS IS REAL LIFE! Literally it happens every day. It’s times like this when I could throat punch my husband for not being here. THIS is not what I thought I signed up for!

Every military wife has that thought, right? It can’t be just me…


YES, they do! Everyone has thought it at least once. Then you snap back to reality because you know that this IS what you signed up for… sometimes it’s just not fair. We accepted these terms and conditions when we said I DO. It may or may not have been in the fine print of future scenarios that we never imagined could happen, but we did commit to this life. It is not for the weak hearted.

What’s even worse is when you FaceTime your husband to vent about all of it and find out that he just got back from the gym, had dinner, and his biggest problem for the rest of the night is deciding whether or not he should start a new series on Netflix or play the new video game he just bought. All while your home struggling to stay above the freaking waves and trying not to drown.

I’ve been feeling resentment a lot lately. The whole reason I moved home was so I could have help. I’ve had less help than I thought I would, than I was told I would, but I am grateful for the ones that are helping. I really wanted to be home so I could have time to coach lacrosse again, maybe work once a week just to get out of the house, go back to CrossFit and attempt to lose two years of baby weight… but as the days go by it’s getting harder and harder. The thrill of us being home has become a thing of the past and everyone still has their own lives to manage. I can’t expect everyone to drop everything for me for 9 months so I can do what I want for a change. My parents have been so helpful, they watch the babies for me every night so I can go workout and my in laws have taken great care of our German Shepard for us. Sometimes I just wish that THEY had more help.

I started this new devotional called Faith Deployed and today’s devotion is called Conquering Resentment.

Phillipians 2:3-4  “Do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others.

Whoa, talk about a reality check.

I want to share a paragraph from this devotion that really stood out to me.

Nancy Leigh DeMoss points out that no matter who we are (or what our husbands do for a living), we will always have unfulfilled longings on this side of heaven (Romans 8:23). “It is important to understand that our inner longings are not necessarily sinful in and of themselves,” she writes. “What is wrong is demanding that those longings be fulfilled here and now or insisting on meeting those longings in illegitimate ways… The second Truth is that the deepest longings of our hearts cannot be filled by any person or thing… We just learn to accept those longings, surrender them to God and look to Him to meet the deepest needs of our hearts.” 

I have realized that it is so easy to resent and it is easy to feel like these 9 months are a monumental injustice but this time has also made me realize how truly blessed I am. Things could always be worse. Someone always has it worse than you do. My friend from work just lost her husband,at 23, to a FREAK accident on the weekend they were celebrating their anniversary. She just had a baby weeks before I had Lily. Talk about injustice? There have been countless service members killed in accidents over the past few months and those wives are now without their husbands and those children without their fathers. I have friends my age who are battling cancer. I have friends my age who have children battling cancer. I have friends who are losing their parents and other family members daily.

Yes, life without my husband is hard. He’s my best friend. I always knew he was an amazing teammate but not having him here has made me appreciate him even more. I didn’t realize how much I truly rely on him everyday. Part of me is also thankful he is gone because it has made me dig deeper into my relationship with God and it has also helped my husband grow closer to God as well. Sometimes Clay doesn’t understand why he is there. I do trust that God has a plan for him though. He is there for  reason. He tells me stories of how he gets to be a champion for Christ and his plans to start a bible study. I’m not surprised by any of his plans though. He is a great leader at work and in our home. He thinks his time there is of no value but if my husband can lead one person to Christ, if he can save one living soul, the time apart is worth it. When God calls you to the other side of the world to bring his people home, you listen and you obey. It’s not about us, it’s about God’s work. Nothing makes me more proud of my husband than watching him be a Godly leader. He makes me want to serve others more everyday. Watching him do his bible study every morning makes me want to be better at that too.

When we make God our primary focus, it’s impossible to feel resentment because you realize just how blessed you are. Even in the worst of circumstances, there are always things to be thankful for. There is a bigger picture that we will never understand and it’s not our job to. Our job is to listen and obey, faithfully.

I have my days where all I want to do is complain but I never go to bed without being grateful that my husband is alive, my babies, my family and myself are all healthy.  I have a support system. I have a roof over my head. We are able to feed our children. While I am home: I have a job, I do get to work out, I do get to coach lacrosse again, I do get to be with my family and friends, I get to attend more weddings, birthdays,and special events. I get to watch both of my parents enjoy their grand babies that they never get to see. I AM BLESSED.

Yes, I resent you sometimes. I resent the hard things that come along with this life we have chosen to live. That makes me human and imperfect but I am also grateful for this life we live. We have something to work for, we have a God to serve faithfully. He has given us everything we need, it doesn’t matter when he needs us or why. God gives us the strength to get through the tough times. For every door he closes, he has a bigger and brighter one to open beside it. Whatever you are going through, just know that God is enough. Trust him. Feel all of those emotions that come with resentment because you are human and that’s okay… but in order to Conquer Resentment we MUST give it all to God and obey him. Let him lead. You follow. Just be content in the season of life you are in! Be thankful, for God is good all the time.